Petite réflexion orientante … Haine de soi, estime de soi .. et relation d’aide appliquée à la carrière

Petite réflexion orientante … Haine de soi, estime de soi .. et relation d’aide appliquée à la carrière

Publié en 2014, possiblement toujours d’actualité 😉

 

Les sentiments de haine peuvent être vécus différemment pour les personnes souffrant de dépression. Une étude réalisée par le professeur Jianfeng Feng du département d’études en informatique de l’Université Warwick au Royaume-Uni (et rapportée sur le site NBC News) révèle la présence d’un « circuit de la haine » dans la structure du cerveau humain. L’étude a été menée auprès de 39 patients déprimés et 37 personnes en bonne santé à cet égard. Tous ont procédé à une imagerie par résonance magnétique fonctionnelle de manière à illustrer une carte des réseaux de leur cerveau.  L’analyse de l’activité de certaines régions du cerveau implique la présence d’un découplage du circuit selon la sévérité de l’état dépressif. Cela serait associé à la manifestation du dégoût de soi, de retrait social et de difficulté à gérer les informations sur soi et sur le monde en conséquence. Ces résultats sont toutefois très critiqués. Toutefois, voyons si nous pouvons retenir certains éléments et en apporter d’autres pouvant nous être utile en lien avec cette thématique.

Article écrit par Louis Cournoyer, Ph.D., c.o., professeur en counseling de carrière et directeur de la Clinique Carrière de l’UQAM. Crédit photo: Louis Richer.

louis

Partant de ce fait, l’intervenant œuvrant dans la vaste discipline de la psychologie ou de l’un de ses champs disciplinaires, dont celui de l’orientation professionnelle, peut prendre en note de telles informations des sciences « dures », mais il n’en demeure pas moins aux prises avec le fait que les personnes portant une forte haine de soi ou son corollaire une faible estime de soi, lesquels sont légitimement en quête de sens de vie professionnelle. Pour Christophe André, auteur de plusieurs livres de psychologie, dont plus particulièrement le livre Comment gérer les personnalités difficiles ? la haine de soi et directement rattachée à la question plus fondamentale d’estime de soi. De l’enfance à l’âge adulte, puis tout au long de la vie, chacun de nous, pour des raisons différentes, par des moyens différents, cherchons à se rassurer quant à notre capacité de pouvoir plaire, être bon ou encore être aimé. Fondamentale à la constitution de la personnalité, l’estime de soi est aujourd’hui devenue « une aspiration légitime aux yeux de tous, considérés comme une nécessité pour survivre dans une société de plus en plus compétitive » (André, 2005, p. 26).

Pour le conseiller d’orientation, haine et estime de soi sont des marqueurs de la capacité d’action de l’individu. Une faible estime de soi favorise la mise en place de stratégies d’adaptation fondées sur l’évitement, sinon la dépréciation identitaire ancrée ou alors une fausse contre-attaque d’image de grandeur cachant une grande petitesse. Avec un client présentant une faible estime de soi, il importe de lui refléter que ses émotions sont « normales », mais que si tels ou tels choses sont survenus dans sa vie, « ce n’est pas de sa faute ».  Écouter, ne pas jugez, ne pas chercher à mobiliser trop rapidement la personne sur la base de sa propre difficulté comme conseiller à vivre l’état d’impuissance d’autrui.

Tranquillement, proposé à la personne des exercices de courant cognitif comportemental consistant à expérimenter de nouvelles pensées ou de nouveaux comportements – et c’est très important que ceux-ci soient atteignables – de manière à pouvoir réaliser des retours avec la personne de manière à (ré)évaluer la situation et conséquemment, elle-même dans cette situation. C’est plus difficile avec la haine de soi. D’abord, parce qu’elle camoufle une estime de soi fragile par une agressivité significative, orientée tantôt vers soi, l’intérieur, tantôt vers les autres, l’extérieur. La haine de soi comme résultante d’une faible estime de soi causé par X, Y, Z causes peut donner lieu au développement d’une personnalité agressive, colérique, explosive, impulsive, etc. … et ce, parfois même à notre propre encontre comme conseiller. Souhaitons-nous alors la capacité d’être assez vite sur le piton pour se montrer empathique et voir ainsi la personne comme une manifestation de colère et non pas un « /$%?&*( … de … « /$%?& que j’aimerais foutre à l’extérieur de mon bureau. Ces « oppresseurs » ont souvent un faible réseau social, en raison de leur difficulté à bien s’entendre avec les autres sur un rapport (plus intime) d’égal à égal. Tourné vers soi, la haine éprouvée par le client implique du conseiller d’écouter, d’entendre la douleur de l’autre, de lui reconnaître le droit légitime de sentir cette émotion, puis graduellement, en l’invitant à l’explorer davantage dans son évolution, les contextes d’expression. Sans banaliser la douleur de l’autre, le conseiller va chercher à questionner tranquillement le pourquoi (démarche cognitive pour mieux solidifier un travail qui repose jusque-là sur un chaos émotionnel constamment revécu par le client) c’est pour lui si difficile, puis ce qui l’amène à cette certitude, pour éventuellement tenter de voir ensemble quelles actions, si minimes soient-elles, pourraient permettre de confronter cette fausse certitude. Tournée vers autrui, là cette haine implique la même qualité d’écoute et de support, MAIS en insérant ici non pas tant le droit au client s’étendre son émotion que de lui faire part de nos besoins et de nos attentes comme conseiller en matière de normes de respect et de communication saine et productive.

En clair, l’agressivité en contexte de counseling est inacceptable. En même temps, elle constitue le théâtre de l’intervention puisque le conseiller peut alors fournir au client un espace relationnel pour mieux s’organiser socialement.  Dans ce même esprit, les jeux de rôles peuvent s’avérer forts intéressants : amener le client à se mettre à la place de la personne qui reçoit son propos (agressif, colérique, etc.), amener le client à reformuler un propos initialement communiqué « à brut » (sans retenue) en quelque chose de plus « net » (avec les retenues qui ne contribuent aucunement à faire comprendre ses besoins à autrui), puis si la relation s’avère assez engagée et investie, amener le client à jouer différentes personnalités de lui-même (ex. : le soi frustré, le soi meurtri, le soi âgé parlant au soi plus jeune, etc.). Et n’oubliez pas, un exercice ou une activité en intervention n’a de valeur en soi que la qualité du retour que l’on réalise sur celui-ci auprès de la personne !

Louis Cournoyer, Ph.D., c.o.

Professeur – Counseling de carrière

Université du Québec à Montréal

A propos de Louis Cournoyer 216 Articles
Professeur-chercheur (Counseling de carrière) / Directeur de la Clinique Carrière / Directeur des programmes de premier cycle en développement de carrière / Conseiller d'orientation et superviseur clinique Université du Québec à Montréal

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