Pourquoi est-il difficile d’être le conseiller d’un ami ?

Chronique initialement publiée en 2015 … mais toujours d’actualité 😉

Petite réflexion orientante – Pourquoi est-il difficile d’être le conseiller d’un ami ?

 

Sur le site Psych Central, il est question aujourd’hui d’un article intitulé Therapists Spill: How Therapy is Different from Talking to a Friend, produit par Margarita Tartakovsky. Son contenu m’a inspiré ce texte.

 

Plusieurs de nos proches nous demandent, notamment durant le temps des fêtes ou lors de rencontres sociales, si nous pourrions les aider à s’orienter ? Pourquoi pas ?, se disent-ils. On se connait et il s’agit essentiellement de parler de soi ensemble … et parfois avec l’idée de sauver des sous. En fait, la rencontre d’un conseiller dans le cadre d’une démarche d’orientation n’a rien à voir avec une discussion avec une proche.

 

Selon qu’il s’agisse d’un conseiller d’orientation ou d’un conseiller en développement de carrière, chacun porte avec lui des années de formation spécialisée dans la capacité d’établir une relation d’aide efficace (et non pas d’abord complice). Contrairement aux amis, les conseillers n’ont pas d’enjeux de proximité amicale ou sociale avec la personne en face d’eux. Donc, le but premier de la relation n’est pas tant de veiller à maintenir une image de soi désirée, mais plutôt d’encourager la personne qui consulte à développer une pensée autonome sur ce qu’elle vie, et à lui mettre sous les yeux certains angles morts qu’elle ne voit peut-être pas en rapport avec son fonctionnement psychologique.

 

Dans le cadre de ma thèse de doctorat, intitulée L’évolution de la construction du projet professionnel chez les collégiennes et les collégiens lors des 18 premiers mois d’études collégiales : le rôle de relations socialesil m’est apparu clairement que les relations amicales sont fondées sur le maintien de liens dits « forts », c’est-à-dire qui implique une relation de proximité visant le partage de mêmes valeurs, de mêmes perspectives, souvent de même environnements de vie et de croyances. De plus, les amis écoutent, valident, mais rarement confrontent. C’est tout le contraire des professionnels de l’orientation et du développement de carrière qui eux entretiennent plutôt une relation fondée sur un lien dit « faible », c’est-à-dire plus distant, plus objectif, plus instrumental, ce qui est dans un contexte de relation d’aide nécessaire pour agir avec une réelle empathie (et non pas une sympathie qui rend aveugle involontairement ou non des conflits de la personne qui se trouve devant nous).  Pour mieux comprendre cette notion de liens forts et de liens faibles, je vous invite à lire : Cournoyer, L. (2009). Entre relation sociales et projet professionnel: la force des liens. OrientAction.

 

La capacité d’empathie du professionnel rendu possible, entre autre, grâce à cette distance de proximité de vie est dont à la base de toute intervention efficace. Sans empathie, il est impossible pour une relation d’aide d’explorer et de comprendre certains enjeux de fonctionnement personnel et interpersonnel « extirpés » des « cassettes », scénarios de vie ou réponses automatiques que les individus mettent en place pour se protéger (mécanismes d’autoprotection, souvent pour maintenir une image de soi fragilisée).

 

 

Une autre dimension importante de la relation d’aide professionnelle est qu’elle est confidentielle et généralement imputable à ce niveau, du moins lorsqu’il s’agit d’un professionnel membre d’un Ordre professionnel tenu au secret professionnel et autre règlement déontologiques. Dans le cas des professionnel en développement non membre d’un ordre, cette garantie n’existe pas, sinon à l’égard du fait que si jamais un professionnel manquait à son droit de réserve d’information à votre égard, vous pourriez faire une plainte à la direction de cette organisation. Dans tous les cas, contrairement aux relations amicales et de proximité sociale, la relation d’aide au cœur du travail d’un conseiller d’orientation ou d’un professionnel en développement de carrière se veut confidentielle. Cette condition permet à la personne qui consulte de bénéficier d’une sorte d’espace de sécurité où elle peut communiquer ses pensées et ses émotions les plus profondes, les plus authentiques, à une personne devant elle qui n’est pas là pour la juger et qui n’entretient pas d’autre relation avec elle que celle de l’aider à s’actualiser professionnellement. Tel qu’il est mentionné dans l’article de Tartakovsky, le contexte d’intervention est ici « un refuge, un endroit où je pourrais recevoir de la rétroaction honnête, perspicacité, et la perspective de quelqu’un en dehors de mon cercle. ».

 

Une dernière particularité de la relation d’aide professionnelle versus la relation d’aide amicale ou de proximité sociale est que dans le premier cas elle est uniquement centrée sur vous. Dans une relation d’amitié, il est normal que chacun des acteurs puissent exposer ses besoins d’écoute et d’aide, même si la demande provient initialement de l’un des partis. Dans le cadre d’une relation d’aide professionnelle, l’objet du travail c’est vous, juste vous. Le conseiller d’orientation ou le professionnel en développement de carrière n’est pas là pour combler ses propres besoins, de chercher à répondre à sa propre curiosité à l’endroit de ce que vous vivez, mais à être là avant tout et uniquement pour répondre à l’objectif de travail que vous vous êtes fixé ensemble.

 

 

Louis Cournoyer, Ph.D., c.o.

Professeur en counseling de carrière
Directeur de la Clinique Carrière
Université du Québec à Montréal


 

 
A propos de Louis Cournoyer 216 Articles
Professeur-chercheur (Counseling de carrière) / Directeur de la Clinique Carrière / Directeur des programmes de premier cycle en développement de carrière / Conseiller d'orientation et superviseur clinique Université du Québec à Montréal

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